There are many similarities between the histories of Hawaii and Australia. There’s very much abefore and an after. Before the arrival of the white man, the Hawaiian islands were a rich tapestry of culture and wildlife. They teemed with diverse birdlife, and the constant intermixing of people from each island lead to an interesting and diverse set of religious beliefs.

Take, for example, the Hawaiian creation story: The islands were raised from the sea using a giant fishing-hook by mythological chief Māui. He did this to surprise his brothers. Afterwards, Māui’s mother complained to him that she was not able to dry her cloak because the day was too short. So Māui climbed a mountain and slowed down the sun, leading to 24 hour days. Men living on the new land were happy with the new day, and the new land, but were unhappy with having to crawl around everywhere as the sky was too low for them to stand up. So in a final act of creation, Māui used his hook to draw the sky higher, allowing the people to walk around, and the birds to fly. Satisfied, he cast the sky-hook into the new space creating the constellation of Māui’s Fishhook (or Scorpius).

There was no need to incorporate any other animals besides birds and fish into their creation mythology, as for the ancient Polynesians who came to these islands around 300CE there were no other animals – besides the chickens they brought with them.

Rats were introduced either by the subsequent Polynesians or later Europeans, and created a problem for early farmers because they would eat the crops. So the mongoose was introduced to combat the rat problem. Of course rats are nocturnal and mongoose are not. The mongoose promptly ignored the rats and started eating the crops themselves, resulting in both a rat and a mongoose problem today. Feral pigs and goats were also introduced. It’s estimated that before human colonisation one new species was introduced to the islands every 10,000 years. Today that figure is closer to 20 new species every year.
The birds of the islands, having no natural predators, built their nests on the ground. This provided ample food for rats and mongoose. New invasive species like the Myna bird, a small brown noisy bird originally from South Africa but now common across Hawaii and Australia (where it was also introduced), drove out native birds – further reducing the diversity of the avian wildlife.
Most of the native trees were cut down when the Hawaiian population discovered that money could be made. Vast sandalwood forest disappeared. They were replaced with imported trees from India and Australia. It felt strange to walk around a place so isolated and see so many familiar trees.

The white man, seemingly unsatisfied with only wiping out the beauty and diversity of Hawaiian wildlife also brought waves of Protestant and Catholic missionaries who promptly set about wiping out the detailed and rich Hawaiian culture and religion and replacing it with stoic Protestantism and Catholicism. The two sets of missionaries competed heavily and almost everywhere you see a Protestant church on the islands, you’ll see a Catholic one right next door. It wasn’t all bad, though, as the missionaries also introduced a written language for Hawaiian, using only 14 letters of the English alphabet, which is still how Hawaiian is written down today.

Waves of western immigration eventually resulted in the destruction of the monarchy and capture of Hawaii by unofficial US military coup in 1893. The US government officially apologised in 1993, but not before annexing Hawaii and making it a State in the meantime. Valuable military territory out there in the Pacific, you see.

And so this is the place we brought ourselves to next. For the first five days we stayed in Waikiki, a resort town on the busy island of Oahu. Waikiki is all 5 star resorts and designer shops. You couldn’t walk down the street without tripping over a Prada, Gucci or Chanel doorstep. I saw an orange jumper I liked in the Hermes window. We went in to check it out for the craic. It was $3,500. Not our sort of shopping.

What we were really looking for- what we are always really looking for, was good bars and restaurants. I’d say about 50% of the enjoyment of a holiday, for us, comes down to the food. The last day in San Francisco resulted in an awesome meal at a restaurant called Frances in the Castro. A tiny place that is always booked out. Marie had a bowl of onion soup which she described as “the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” So I suppose we were coming to Hawaii from somewhat of a high pedestal.

Unfortunately, Waikiki didn’t really fulfil on either the bar or restaurant count. Most of the restaurants were big American chain brands which provide about as much unique Hawaiian feel as a can of Coke. We wandered around one night looking for some interesting bars, but couldn’t find much that wasn’t buried in a 5-star hotel. So we stuck to our resort. Luckily, after the frantic Wedding and the busy SF trip, we were happy to do a few days of lolling. And oh, did we lol.

We rediscovered the beach. Oddly, for people who live in a city with some of the best city-beaches in the world, we spend very little time there.  I also discovered Poke – a Japanese inspired Hawaiian dish consisting of beautiful red sashimi style big-eye tuna with ogo (a Hawaiian seaweed), soy, sesame and some chilli, often served with lightly salted taro crisps. It was awesome. Every place had its own version. I pledged to try them all.

Maui was next, a smaller island formed by two volcanic peaks looking as you approach it somewhat like a giant pair of lopsided breasts. This felt more like we expected Hawaii to be. The top speed limit on the island is 40mph, but everyone usually cruises around at about 25. Using your horn is considered the height of rudeness. The population is made up of equal parts Hawaiians, hippies, American tourists, Australian tourists and retired doctors. The place was so chilled out it gave Byron Bay a run for its money.

We found great old bars with their own pet parrots. We found several beachside restaurants – many of which we went to multiple times. We found the bars that the bar staff went to after hours. We drove up to the top of Haleakalā, the largest volcano, at 3am to watch the sunrise over the island. This was stunning but far from tranquil, as 87 other people had the same idea. We dove off a boat and snorkelled through a marine reserve called Molokini. I was particularly impressed with Marie’s achievements swimming in the open sea, as she’s probably the only human I know who may not have evolved from a fish. We drank, and later ate in a fantastic bar owned by Mick Fleetwood. We loved it. Totally loved it. So it was sad to leave and head back to Waikiki for the final three days.

One of the things that struck us travelling around SF and also parts of Oahu was the homelessness. Everywhere you looked in city areas there were poor unfortunates, lying on street corners or pushing all their worldly possessions around in a shopping trolley. I’m not sure what it says about America’s social welfare system, but you certainly don’t expect to come away from a Western country- possibly the most Westernised of countries, complaining about the poverty.

We wound everything up in Trump Tower, the most highly-rated hotel in Hawaii. They claimed to have the best Mai-Tais in the world. All I can say is that the hotel, and the mai-tais, did not disappoint.

And then we were back in Sydney. And it felt strange to take so many flights, visit family, get married, take a city trip, and then a beach trip, and then another flight, and still end up on the other side of the world. But also arrive at home. If anything the trip has increased my love of Sydney. SF had many similarities, but Sydney shines brighter in so many ways. The bay here is stunning in sunshine – it’s a city built around water. The suburbs are lively, the bars are buzzing, the restaurants are varied and affordable and despite losing a bunch of travelling mates after the wedding, we have good friends. Here we are now, back here, husband and wife. It is, I can happily say, possible to feel like two places are home. 












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