Yesterday my Dad sent me a link to an Irish Times article “Ten things you need to know if you’re moving to Australia“. I thought about half of the list was not really true and decided to write my own. So without further ado here’s ten things you really need to know if you’re moving to Australia…

1. You’ll miss EU regulation.

When you’re standing in a petrol station shop wondering what the hell price everything is – when you get charged $2.50 to take cash out of an ATM – when you have to pay 50% more for petrol on a Tuesday than you did on a Monday, you’ll miss the EU.

2. Australian chocolate, crisps and chips are awful.

Because of the weather, Australian Cadbury’s is made to melt at a higher temperature. It tastes sweet and disappointing, no creaminess at all. (You can get Whittaker’s chocolate from New Zealand though, which does the job nicely.) The crisps are oily and dull, and the chips are almost universally frozen. You’ll struggle to find a good fluffy chipper-chip anywhere – though a British & Irish chipper did just open in Bondi and is thriving.

Speaking of which, isn’t it weird that in Ireland chippers are seen as Italian, but in Australia they’re seen as Irish?

3. Having said that, Australia is foodie heaven.

One of the things that makes the country foodie heaven is its huge immigrant population combined with high quality fresh produce. The Japanese, Vietnamese and Chinese food is particularly good due to our proximity to Asia – an Australian would think an Irish Chinese take away about as Chinese as Enda Kenny.

Lebanese restaurants are everywhere. Some Sydney suburbs even specialise – just to name a few there’s Italian, Portuguese, Greek, Indian and even Fijian-Indian suburbs. Also Aussies take their coffee very seriously. Once you get into it nothing but the best locally roasted flat white or cold-brew long black will do.

4. Australians totally get the craic thing, they just don’t have a word for it.

Australians are as self-deprecating and up for a laugh as the Irish – but if you say you had good craic last night you’re liable to receive strange looks. Their attitude to drink is pretty much the same in that they drink too much. But when it’s hot and sunny the local beer garden really is the only place to be. Unless you like, you know, beaches and stuff.

5. Australia is sport mad. Sort of.

With AFL (Aussie rules), NRL (rugby league) and Super Rugby (union) on simultaneously most nights, there’s a reason the pubs have so many TVs. In the summer you have the A League (soccer) and Big Bash (t20 cricket – brilliant). Aussies also watch a lot of tennis, netball, golf, basketball and surfing – all of which have domestic competitions. If you like live sport, there’s no better place to be.

Sydneysiders are, however, quite lazy. They like to watch sport on TV but they’re crap at actually going to games. Most regular NRL matches play to half-empty stadiums as they have a tendency to play the matches in grounds that are way too big. Melbournians however – well the saying is they’d turn up on mass for the painting of a wall.

6. Australian politics is toxic.

Tony Abbott, head of the Liberal (but not actually liberal) juggernaut is a religion-loving, climate-change-denying, xenophobic, misogynistic, bullish embarrassment. The only problem is that the only viable alternative – Labor (yes, they spell it the American way. I don’t know why. It’s stupid.) – are a shambles who destroyed themselves in the last election through bitter internal battles between Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd. Every chance any politician gets to talk, the first thing they do is bash the other party. It’s constant negative politics and it’s tiring.

7. Be prepared to be shocked at just how shocking the shock jocks are.

From climate change denier Alan Jones – who suggested only a few days after Julia Gillard’s father’s funeral that he had died of shame to Andrew Bolt – who suggested certain Aboriginal celebrities were faking their heritage because they weren’t dark enough – the right-wing talk radio hosts are best avoided, unless you want to get really annoyed.

8. You’ll miss weird stuff.

There’s the obvious things you’ll miss at first like Superquinn Sausages, Barry’s Tea, Club Orange, King Crisps and Irish Cadbury’s – but you can actually get most of these now in your local supermarket (except the sausages). But stay a little longer and you’ll start to miss stuff you never expected – like potato waffles.

You’ll start to miss Australian stuff when you go back to Ireland too- like Australian bacon, good coffee, Lebanese bread and chicken salt.

9. Australia has a gambling problem.

It’s taken for granted that if you’re watching a match you’ve placed a wager on it too. They heavily advertise the odds before and during most games. There are pokies (gambling machines) in almost every “traditional Aussie” pub. The newer trendier smaller places don’t have them but otherwise they’re ubiquitous. Most of these bars also have a Tab (bookies) where you can watch horse races and place bets. Right in the pub. Add an ATM to the mix and you’re asking for trouble.

10. It’s pretty much always sunny.

Yep, this part is true. Even now, in winter, when the temperature drops to single numbers at night, it’s beautiful and sunny and in the mid-teens most days. From an Irish perspective it feels like 10 months of summer. We do get dull spells, but they pass after a week or so and don’t hang around all winter. So get out there and enjoy it.